Feelings Don't Dictate
On Tuesday night, I felt like a failure. I felt as though I was inadequate. I'm not
where some of my other friends are or where I desire to be in my life. I don't have a full-time job, I haven't entered into my career path, and I haven't gotten married. When I thought about my future, I felt afraid that I
would fail and not succeed in getting to where I'm headed in my life.
It really hurt.
I had a hard time trying to acknowledge my pain while still trusting in God. I knew that these feelings weren't wrong in and of themselves, but I didn't know where to go with them from there. Then God spoke through a message I received. He showed me that I have a great deal to be grateful for (health, a home, food, being in a master's program, and having people who love me). He reminded me that there are many who don't have that. I felt better for a little bit, but then began to feel bad for not appreciating what I have. Unfortunately, I still felt hurt and disappointed.
Hours later, I read this quote by Lysa TerKeurst: "Feelings are indicators, not dictators. Our feelings can indicate what we're facing but they shouldn't dictate how we react."
God helped me to realize that it's okay for me to feel and even acknowledge those feelings because they show me what I am facing. They reveal my struggles and show me where I need to be extra careful in being obedient, waiting, and having faith. There is pressure to have our lives together and I did not feel that I looked the part to others (or myself). Of course I felt this way. It's understandable. But, it doesn't have to stop at me feeling dissatisfied and living that out.
God brought this realization full circle by tying in my morning devo. He showed me that Jesus felt afraid before He was betrayed, beaten, and crucified. The Bible says, "Going a little farther, [Jesus] fell with his face to the ground and prayed, 'My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will'" (Matthew 26:39 NIV).
Jesus didn't want to go through with what He knew was about to happen. He felt fear, but He didn't let that dictate whether or not He would continue to walk in God's will.
I know that I am where God has called me. It gets difficult and discouraging for me at times. I think much of it comes from my uncertainty over what will come next and whether I will be able to provide for myself and my family. As I was thinking about this, however, I found it funny that I would believe that. My future is anything but uncertain. I know exactly where I'm going.
So long as I continue to build my relationship with God and live out His plan, I will be able to spend an eternity with Him. No amount of specific achievements or great looking qualifications will get me there so I never have to worry about falling short and failing to see that happen. It's the most secure future anyone could have (and I have the most consistent, loving, and trustworthy provider to care for me before I get there). All I have to do is mimic the One before me and follow His lead. I don't even have to make up a plan on my own!
Seeing my life from an eternal perspective makes it seem a lot better and easier. I feel less stressed. I know that those feelings and insecurities will return at some point, but I have to remember that they are just warnings of areas I still have a hard time giving over to God. They don't dictate my actions or what will happen. I make that choice, and, no matter what, I will still choose to live faithfully. As I do, He will take care of what happens.
My life is in His hands and He loves me.
I had a hard time trying to acknowledge my pain while still trusting in God. I knew that these feelings weren't wrong in and of themselves, but I didn't know where to go with them from there. Then God spoke through a message I received. He showed me that I have a great deal to be grateful for (health, a home, food, being in a master's program, and having people who love me). He reminded me that there are many who don't have that. I felt better for a little bit, but then began to feel bad for not appreciating what I have. Unfortunately, I still felt hurt and disappointed.
Hours later, I read this quote by Lysa TerKeurst: "Feelings are indicators, not dictators. Our feelings can indicate what we're facing but they shouldn't dictate how we react."
God helped me to realize that it's okay for me to feel and even acknowledge those feelings because they show me what I am facing. They reveal my struggles and show me where I need to be extra careful in being obedient, waiting, and having faith. There is pressure to have our lives together and I did not feel that I looked the part to others (or myself). Of course I felt this way. It's understandable. But, it doesn't have to stop at me feeling dissatisfied and living that out.
God brought this realization full circle by tying in my morning devo. He showed me that Jesus felt afraid before He was betrayed, beaten, and crucified. The Bible says, "Going a little farther, [Jesus] fell with his face to the ground and prayed, 'My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will'" (Matthew 26:39 NIV).
Jesus didn't want to go through with what He knew was about to happen. He felt fear, but He didn't let that dictate whether or not He would continue to walk in God's will.
I know that I am where God has called me. It gets difficult and discouraging for me at times. I think much of it comes from my uncertainty over what will come next and whether I will be able to provide for myself and my family. As I was thinking about this, however, I found it funny that I would believe that. My future is anything but uncertain. I know exactly where I'm going.
So long as I continue to build my relationship with God and live out His plan, I will be able to spend an eternity with Him. No amount of specific achievements or great looking qualifications will get me there so I never have to worry about falling short and failing to see that happen. It's the most secure future anyone could have (and I have the most consistent, loving, and trustworthy provider to care for me before I get there). All I have to do is mimic the One before me and follow His lead. I don't even have to make up a plan on my own!
Seeing my life from an eternal perspective makes it seem a lot better and easier. I feel less stressed. I know that those feelings and insecurities will return at some point, but I have to remember that they are just warnings of areas I still have a hard time giving over to God. They don't dictate my actions or what will happen. I make that choice, and, no matter what, I will still choose to live faithfully. As I do, He will take care of what happens.
My life is in His hands and He loves me.
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