Being Devoted in Love
"Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves." Romans 12:10 NIV
This verse has been resonating with me for a few weeks now. I am a loving person, but that love has always had a limit. When things became uncomfortable, messy, or hurtful, I used to let relationships fall away. I refused to approach people or certain situations. This behavior and attitude came with me into my walk with God. I have only realized the last couple of years how selfish I can be and how flighty I am. I entered into friendships looking for reasons to run.
My fiancé has done an amazing job with me in this. When I would shut down on him, he would wait with me until we talked about it. He helped teach me to be resilient in love. I am miles from who I was before (I would venture to say at least a state away). When things come up, I don't just give up. It takes a lot of effort and intentionality, though.
We'll be married in less than 11 months and so I have had a strong desire to grow and be refined before then. I won't be perfect, but I want to be the best me I can going into our marriage (and now). The first time I read the verse above from Romans 12, I immediately thought of it in the context of marriage. When things get scary and our relationship gets shaky, I have to stay devoted to Joey. I'm not just checking into his life or making appearances. There has to be an intensity in the effort I am putting into our relationship. It's not just me doing the minimum.
God has continued to show me more about applying that verse to my life. He showed me that it isn't just for my fiancé, it is for all my relationships. As a leader and future pastor's wife, and as a Christian foremost, I have a commitment to people. God has called us to love others (Matt 22:37-39). We don't stay devoted to people out of obligation, though. We're not supposed to stick with people because we're Christians (or leaders, partners, etc.). That is the wrong mindset because then caring for people becomes a chore.
When we devote ourselves to others out of obligation it is based on a condition. As soon as someone stops meeting that condition (they aren't being much of a friend, he isn't fulfilling his duty as a husband, she isn't loving and supporting me as a wife should, etc), then we unconsciously give ourselves permission to check out. That's not how God wants it.
The verse in Romans says to be devoted in LOVE. That means that we actually have to love the people God brings to us and places us over (or under, or alongside). When there is love, there is a commitment. The relationship is not just for the sake of God or our responsibility, but is now because it is personal. We actually want to stick with that person. It stops being about you and starts being about the other person. It becomes selfless, which is when we are then able to honor the other person above ourselves.
This verse has been resonating with me for a few weeks now. I am a loving person, but that love has always had a limit. When things became uncomfortable, messy, or hurtful, I used to let relationships fall away. I refused to approach people or certain situations. This behavior and attitude came with me into my walk with God. I have only realized the last couple of years how selfish I can be and how flighty I am. I entered into friendships looking for reasons to run.
My fiancé has done an amazing job with me in this. When I would shut down on him, he would wait with me until we talked about it. He helped teach me to be resilient in love. I am miles from who I was before (I would venture to say at least a state away). When things come up, I don't just give up. It takes a lot of effort and intentionality, though.
We'll be married in less than 11 months and so I have had a strong desire to grow and be refined before then. I won't be perfect, but I want to be the best me I can going into our marriage (and now). The first time I read the verse above from Romans 12, I immediately thought of it in the context of marriage. When things get scary and our relationship gets shaky, I have to stay devoted to Joey. I'm not just checking into his life or making appearances. There has to be an intensity in the effort I am putting into our relationship. It's not just me doing the minimum.
God has continued to show me more about applying that verse to my life. He showed me that it isn't just for my fiancé, it is for all my relationships. As a leader and future pastor's wife, and as a Christian foremost, I have a commitment to people. God has called us to love others (Matt 22:37-39). We don't stay devoted to people out of obligation, though. We're not supposed to stick with people because we're Christians (or leaders, partners, etc.). That is the wrong mindset because then caring for people becomes a chore.
When we devote ourselves to others out of obligation it is based on a condition. As soon as someone stops meeting that condition (they aren't being much of a friend, he isn't fulfilling his duty as a husband, she isn't loving and supporting me as a wife should, etc), then we unconsciously give ourselves permission to check out. That's not how God wants it.
The verse in Romans says to be devoted in LOVE. That means that we actually have to love the people God brings to us and places us over (or under, or alongside). When there is love, there is a commitment. The relationship is not just for the sake of God or our responsibility, but is now because it is personal. We actually want to stick with that person. It stops being about you and starts being about the other person. It becomes selfless, which is when we are then able to honor the other person above ourselves.
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