Guarding Your Purity

First, I'd like to point out that virginity is not purity. There are plenty of impure virgins roaming around advertising the fact that they've waited, but, in reality, God looks at some of them the same way He looks at some people who are sexually active. Looking solely at virginity ignores any other impure sexual acts (oral sex, fondling, porn, etc.). Virginity is just an aspect of purity. (It's also important to note that sexuality is just an aspect of purity).

      Sometimes we get it wrong and honor virginity over abstinence. This ignores the fact that God can redeem our purity. Virginity can't be returned, but purity can. Focusing on purity gives a more wholistic picture and breeds hope.

       I remember thinking that because I wasn't a virgin it meant that I could never be pure. God spent a lot of time speaking against that lie. He built up my character and gave me a purity to guard. Now, I am purer than I ever was (even as a virgin). (Though, please do not think I'm perfect. I'm still a work in progress).

      I hope that this helps clear up any misconceptions you may have or lies you may have believed about you being irredeemable or worthless (or having nothing to offer). Having been on the hopeless and hurting end in the past, this is a message I am passionate about. 

       So, how does someone guard their purity?

       We are better able to guard our purity once we accept and understand God's grace. In Isaiah 1:18, the Bible says that God will make us white as snow even though our sins are like crimson. God is willing to clean the stains in your life, but a lot of people have a hard time with this. They just can't believe that God would see them as worth more than they feel. They have a hard time grasping that He doesn't look at our dirt or baggage. He just looks straight at you and wipes it all away. He is able to make you pure.

        He can clean the stains off you, but it is up to you to keep it clean. That is why it is important to guard your purity by putting up boundaries.

        Boundaries prevent. They shouldn't allow you to go as far as you can without crossing lines-that doesn't help. If you know what revvs you up, stay away from anything that can get you there. It sounds extreme, but passion builds quickly. Don't be naive enough to think you can always stop yourself in the moments where you get close. It's like trying to immediately stop a speeding car. Depending on how fast the car is going and how many times you've hit the brakes without slowing down first, you may find that you've damaged your brakes. 

       When you continually see that you can stop just before crossing the line, you begin to be desensitized to your boundaries. You begin inching closer because you keep seeing that you can take it. Then the day comes when you're at the line and the only way left to progress is over it. You've already taught your body to be aroused by stronger stimuli (more sexual acts) and so going back becomes more difficult. Taking the relationship slower feels less exciting because you opened yourselves up to things you shouldn't have.

       Another way to guard your purity is to have accountability. It's not wise to have an accountability partner who falls in the same areas you do. If your partner intentionally compromises their purity, then it would be wise to find someone else to keep you accountable. I have seen too many people fall together because they are judging each other's actions from the standpoint of having fallen. Or, they disguise compromise as patience and grace. Yes, grace is biblical, but compromise is not. If your accountability does not help drive you to be better, then you just have a friend not an accountability partner.

       Having someone who will condemn you or make you feel unloveable when you do mess up is not good either. You want someone who is going to be honest and godly. They need to love you through your failures and into healing. They need to be someone you can trust, otherwise you will not feel safe to tell them the things that you wouldn't tell others.

      The battle for purity is not an easy one, especially when compromise is the norm. It helps to have a clear picture of what purity means: living life according to God's standard and keeping away from doing things that will take you further from Him. This weekend I went on a retreat and the message that kept being repeated was: "You won't be filled with the Holy Spirit if you're already full of yourself." Make sure your life is leaving room for the Spirit. Accept God's grace when you mess up and move forward, set up boundaries for yourself, and make sure you have accountability. 

       Remember that God can redeem your purity. If you fall, it isn't over. God can repair the damage, but it will take discipline to maintain the work. Keep going and never give up because He won't give up on you. Get back up and move forward as many times as it takes to get it right.