Shame Part 1: Identity Issues

Shame can be a dangerous thing when it takes root. It can cause us to believe we aren’t good enough, that we’re failures or bad people. Rather than feeling guilty about our behaviors or choices, we begin to feel ashamed of who we are. 

       That can put us in a dark place. It can feel hopeless. Thoughts of suicide or just wanting to die may creep up. Thoughts like, they would be better off without me. My life doesn’t matter.

       Nothing could be further from the truth. God made you with worth and you matter. In Psalm 139:13-16 (NIV), David writes, “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”

      By no means was David a perfect Christian, but he knew how to separate the guilt of his sin from his identity. He knew that nothing he did could negate the attention and love God put into creating him. God knows all the days we will live and the things we will do, but He still chooses to allow us to have life. 

      Do not hold yourself to a standard of perfection. We are to strive to be like Christ but that cannot happen apart from the Holy Spirit. We are in a battle between our sinful nature and the Spirit God placed within us. Place your guilt where it belongs, on your actions. Don’t make shame your identity. By doing so you negate God’s grace.

      Rather than identifying as a Christian who is saved by Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross, you are identifying with the very thing He died to free you from. Mistakes and poor choices are scars everyone bears. Maybe yours look different from those of the people around you. Maybe you’ve been told that you are irredeemable or that you will always be defined by those events. This will only be true if you allow it to be. That does not mean that there won’t be consequences, it just means that you no longer have to live identifying with your shame. 

      The difference between shame and guilt is that guilt moves you to action and restoration, while shame brings a sense of inescapability and hopelessness. What ways have you allowed shame to shape the way you view yourself? Rather than making it an indicator of who you are, choose today to begin identifying that guilt with the action that spawned it. This is going to be a continual process but God will not leave you alone with it.