Shame Part 2: Isolation Issues
In the last post, I talked about the importance of not allowing shame to take root because it can become an unhealthy way of identifying ourselves. Shame does not just negate God’s grace and distort how we view ourselves, however, it can also keep us feeling isolated from God. You may think the isolation is because God couldn’t possibly love you, but really it is the shame that keeps you from wanting to be seen, known, and loved by Him.
Rather than moving you to make a change, shame can move you into the paralysis of self-pity. You hide away from God and His people because you don't feel good enough. You become afraid of how you'd be perceived if people actually saw the "truth" of "who you are". You decide for yourself that God doesn't want you. Instead of getting the affirmation of love and support that you need, you only feel the loneliness of isolation.
You turn sincere compliments into indirect attacks. Non-invitations become signals of dislike for you. You begin reading into words and actions (and the situations God allows you to live through) in a way that reaffirm the negative views shame has made you believe about yourself. While I am not suggesting these instances and your interpretation of them are never true, I do believe that you need to guard yourself and truly assess whether these experiences are as they appear to you. Get someone else (who tends to be level headed) to check in with and verify whether what you think is happening actually is.
Often times, what I see is people looking to justify their decision to isolate. They want a reason to keep from being vulnerable and letting others see them. It feels safer that way. The less people know about them, the less they can use to hurt them. They perceive that to be the truth because they are already hurting themselves. They are beating themselves up and so believe that others will see in and do the same to them.
There is a balance we need to have in the way we view ourselves. While we aren’t to think too lowly of ourselves, we also aren’t to go the other extreme and think we are better than we are. In Romans 12:3-5 (NLT), Paul says, “Because of the privilege and authority God has given me, I give each of you this warning: Don’t think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us. Just as our bodies have many parts and each part has a special function, so it is with Christ’s body. We are many parts of one body, and we all belong to each other.”
We are to have a realistic view of ourselves. Sometimes, it will take us great faith to believe we are who God says we are. Be careful not to fall into comparison, though. We all have a unique role to play in the body. Just be who God created you to be and see yourself the way He sees you. He has judged you as someone worth loving and so let that truth stand. Let Him (and others) draw near to you. He already knows you so you don’t have to be afraid that He will not want you anymore if you let Him get close. Improve the behaviors that need improving, but don’t let them become identities of shame. Let Him show you what it is He loves about you.
Rather than moving you to make a change, shame can move you into the paralysis of self-pity. You hide away from God and His people because you don't feel good enough. You become afraid of how you'd be perceived if people actually saw the "truth" of "who you are". You decide for yourself that God doesn't want you. Instead of getting the affirmation of love and support that you need, you only feel the loneliness of isolation.
You turn sincere compliments into indirect attacks. Non-invitations become signals of dislike for you. You begin reading into words and actions (and the situations God allows you to live through) in a way that reaffirm the negative views shame has made you believe about yourself. While I am not suggesting these instances and your interpretation of them are never true, I do believe that you need to guard yourself and truly assess whether these experiences are as they appear to you. Get someone else (who tends to be level headed) to check in with and verify whether what you think is happening actually is.
Often times, what I see is people looking to justify their decision to isolate. They want a reason to keep from being vulnerable and letting others see them. It feels safer that way. The less people know about them, the less they can use to hurt them. They perceive that to be the truth because they are already hurting themselves. They are beating themselves up and so believe that others will see in and do the same to them.
There is a balance we need to have in the way we view ourselves. While we aren’t to think too lowly of ourselves, we also aren’t to go the other extreme and think we are better than we are. In Romans 12:3-5 (NLT), Paul says, “Because of the privilege and authority God has given me, I give each of you this warning: Don’t think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us. Just as our bodies have many parts and each part has a special function, so it is with Christ’s body. We are many parts of one body, and we all belong to each other.”
We are to have a realistic view of ourselves. Sometimes, it will take us great faith to believe we are who God says we are. Be careful not to fall into comparison, though. We all have a unique role to play in the body. Just be who God created you to be and see yourself the way He sees you. He has judged you as someone worth loving and so let that truth stand. Let Him (and others) draw near to you. He already knows you so you don’t have to be afraid that He will not want you anymore if you let Him get close. Improve the behaviors that need improving, but don’t let them become identities of shame. Let Him show you what it is He loves about you.
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