Surrendering All

Lately God has been reigniting my passion for Him and His calling over my life. I know God has called me to do crisis and trauma counseling and to reach the world for Him. I mentioned in my last post that I was diagnosed with endometriosis this year. While it will not kill me, it does make things more difficult because of symptoms like fatigue, pain, nausea, and heightened emotions. The last few days, God showed me that I didn't have the same fire I had before. In fact, I haven't been living boldly. My dreams aren't big anymore. Instead, I have wondered if I can even do the things He has called me to. Some days, I barely have the emotional, physical, and mental energy to do what I am now. Honestly, dreaming bigger just didn't seem realistic to me. So, I started dreaming smaller. That's not to diminish them, however, I knew that God was calling me to more.

      In Zechariah 4:6 (NIV), an angel relays a message to the prophet Zechariah: "'Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,' says the Lord Almighty." Every time I tried to imagine what God has in store for me, I thought about it through the lens of what I could accomplish. Of course I still had faith in God, but I also wanted to be realistic about what I could do. That's when God reminded me of this verse. I was still relying more on my own strength than on His. I was reluctant to take on the things I felt Him moving me toward because I didn't think I could see them through. I knew the Holy Spirit was with me and would empower me, but I did not walk in that strength. I was letting the gas (energy I had) in my tank determine my destination rather than relying on the fact that God would provide what I needed at different checkpoints along the way.

      That isn't to say that rest and caring for yourself is bad, but many times living out God's plans will inconvenience and discomfort us. It will cost us something. I want to live knowing I am doing what God has asked of me. In order to do that, I am going to need to surrender all that I have to Him. He gets to decide the timing, level of effort, and what the battle will look like. That also means I am giving the results to Him. This is difficult because when I do anything for God, I want to see the results. It's such a natural thing to want to be able to evaluate our work by its fruit, but we don't always get to see it. 

      In 1 Corinthians 3, Paul rebukes the people because they began having jealous arguments about who they followed. But, in verses 6-8 Paul writes, "I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God has been making it grow. So neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow. The one who plants and the one who waters have one purpose, and they will each be rewarded according to their own labor." This shows us a few things. Sometimes God has us start a work and brings another to continue it. We don't always get to see our work through to the end (or the reward). God is the one who deserves the ultimate credit for the work anyway because He is the one that sees it through from start to end and orchestrates the whole thing.

      These verses take a huge weight off our shoulders. We don't have to do all these things on our own. If God has called you to a specific mission, then you shouldn't put the pressure on yourself to do it all. For example, if God has called you to work with refugees, then do not add pressure to yourself by expecting that you alone will and have to end the crisis. That desire should fuel you, but not be the standard you hold yourself to. Surrender the results (and control) to God, and do what He asks of you. This piece of Scripture also takes a weight off us because in verse 8 it says that He rewards us according to our labor. Farmers cannot always control what their yield will look like, but that doesn't mean they stop working. We cannot control how people will respond to the Gospel or the choices they will make, so don't put that responsibility on yourself. You are responsible for your own obedience. God will reward us for the work we do, not the results because He is responsible for the outcome anyway. 

      When we get to a point of full surrender, it can be scary because so much is unknown (the outcome, all that it will cost us, what ways we'll be stretched, etc), but choose to find comfort in God, Whom you do know. He will not abandon you, He is faithful, and He loves you. He isn't cruel and you aren't expendable to Him. When you surrender your all, you are surrendering it to the One who treasures you. If He is leading you to it, He will help you through it. Trust Him.