Does Pornography Have a Place in Abstinence?
We are living in an age when pornography is more accessible than ever before. No longer do you need to sneak away magazines or wait until you are alone with your TV or the family computer, now all you have to do is a quick internet search all from the privacy of your mobile device.
While many Christians would be quick to say that porn viewing is wrong, there seems to be a context for that view. In the context of marriage, porn usage would more readily be frowned upon than in the context of someone who is single. In fact, I have heard a number of people say that they view porn in order to help them remain abstinent so that they don't have sex before marriage (whether they have never done so or are recommitting their purity to God). But, does pornography have a place in abstinence?
We can speak about the fact that it can help address the sexual desires we feel while we are single, however, while this seems like a solution, it can create more of a problem. It is not my desire to use fear tactics, so I will be realistic. While porn can lead to desires that are un-Biblical, cause sexual issues later, and become an addiction, this doesn't always happen. I will address these issues first because they are worth knowing.
Like with anything else when searching the internet, it can be easy to get introduced to new things. Have you ever gone on the internet to search for one thing but then follow links to other articles and be intrigued by something that popped up only to find yourself reading about something totally different than what you were initially searching for? It can happen with porn too. An image, category, or video might pop up that peaks your interest. It might only deviate a little from what you feel is okay and so become a part of the list of things you like, but in watching it, it can desensitize you from what you initially did not find okay.
Another issue is that some people have had difficulty with getting aroused when they do begin to have sex. It may be because what worked for them in their porn viewing isn't happening in the bedroom. Even if arousal isn't an issue, there could be relational issues because the appetite for things viewed in porn may not match up to what your spouse is willing to do. Also, your stamina during sexual intercourse may be different from that of your partner because you have been practicing with porn.
As with anything else, porn can become an addiction. The magnitude of this and the other problems I talked about depends on whether pornography has become a way for the viewer to cope with stress, anxiety, depression, or other issues. Again, realistically, not everyone will be impacted in the same way by viewing porn. In fact, many people may not develop any of those problems. We should not view pornography as harmless, though.
This is the issue that applies to everyone and not just those who use porn as a way to cope: viewing pornography can begin to build the sexual appetite. No longer do we just want sex, but because we are viewing porn, we want certain sexual acts done to us. The desire becomes more specific. Our thoughts while tempted can become even more graphic, making it more difficult to remain abstinent.
In Colossians 3:5 (NIV) Paul advises, "Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires, and greed, which is idolatry." Rather than feeding into our desires, we are called to put them to death.
If you feed your sexual desires, it may grow and become even more difficult to stop later down the line. It isn't always going to be easy and so I don't want to minimize it, but we weren't called to do what's easy. We are called to live lives that go against our earthly nature so that we can focus on the things after God's heart.
Don't worry! Sex is a part of that package. Focusing on living a life pleasing to God doesn't exclude sex, but it does make sure it is within a specific context: marriage. Being abstinent can be difficult (for men AND women), but God is willing to give us the strength and help we need.
Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 10:13, "No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can endure it."
Notice that there isn't a promise that God will take the temptation away. I know that is frustrating. But, God will give you everything you need to endure these times. Engaging with porn can end up making the battle more difficult for you. For this reason, pornography does not have a place in abstinence.
While many Christians would be quick to say that porn viewing is wrong, there seems to be a context for that view. In the context of marriage, porn usage would more readily be frowned upon than in the context of someone who is single. In fact, I have heard a number of people say that they view porn in order to help them remain abstinent so that they don't have sex before marriage (whether they have never done so or are recommitting their purity to God). But, does pornography have a place in abstinence?
We can speak about the fact that it can help address the sexual desires we feel while we are single, however, while this seems like a solution, it can create more of a problem. It is not my desire to use fear tactics, so I will be realistic. While porn can lead to desires that are un-Biblical, cause sexual issues later, and become an addiction, this doesn't always happen. I will address these issues first because they are worth knowing.
Like with anything else when searching the internet, it can be easy to get introduced to new things. Have you ever gone on the internet to search for one thing but then follow links to other articles and be intrigued by something that popped up only to find yourself reading about something totally different than what you were initially searching for? It can happen with porn too. An image, category, or video might pop up that peaks your interest. It might only deviate a little from what you feel is okay and so become a part of the list of things you like, but in watching it, it can desensitize you from what you initially did not find okay.
Another issue is that some people have had difficulty with getting aroused when they do begin to have sex. It may be because what worked for them in their porn viewing isn't happening in the bedroom. Even if arousal isn't an issue, there could be relational issues because the appetite for things viewed in porn may not match up to what your spouse is willing to do. Also, your stamina during sexual intercourse may be different from that of your partner because you have been practicing with porn.
As with anything else, porn can become an addiction. The magnitude of this and the other problems I talked about depends on whether pornography has become a way for the viewer to cope with stress, anxiety, depression, or other issues. Again, realistically, not everyone will be impacted in the same way by viewing porn. In fact, many people may not develop any of those problems. We should not view pornography as harmless, though.
This is the issue that applies to everyone and not just those who use porn as a way to cope: viewing pornography can begin to build the sexual appetite. No longer do we just want sex, but because we are viewing porn, we want certain sexual acts done to us. The desire becomes more specific. Our thoughts while tempted can become even more graphic, making it more difficult to remain abstinent.
In Colossians 3:5 (NIV) Paul advises, "Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires, and greed, which is idolatry." Rather than feeding into our desires, we are called to put them to death.
If you feed your sexual desires, it may grow and become even more difficult to stop later down the line. It isn't always going to be easy and so I don't want to minimize it, but we weren't called to do what's easy. We are called to live lives that go against our earthly nature so that we can focus on the things after God's heart.
Don't worry! Sex is a part of that package. Focusing on living a life pleasing to God doesn't exclude sex, but it does make sure it is within a specific context: marriage. Being abstinent can be difficult (for men AND women), but God is willing to give us the strength and help we need.
Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 10:13, "No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can endure it."
Notice that there isn't a promise that God will take the temptation away. I know that is frustrating. But, God will give you everything you need to endure these times. Engaging with porn can end up making the battle more difficult for you. For this reason, pornography does not have a place in abstinence.
Very good article. It is important as a believer to keep our thoughts pure so that we can exhibit righteous behaviors. I must admit, as a woman, i viewed porn in the past and it didnt help me to live a celibate life but a sinful one. I dont do this behavior anymore and dont have a desire to do. I choose to continue walking in freedom each day.
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