Commissioned

“‘Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.’” Matthew 28:19-20 NIV

This verse became my passion and truly my mission last month. Yes, I wanted people to know God and have a relationship with Him before that, but this time it’s different. There is a fire burning within me to see it through.
       Last month I went on a missions trip with a group of people to England. Most of the time we were in a town called Accrington in Lancashire. I fell in love with both the country and the people while I was there.
       It was my first missions trip so I didn’t really have a basis for what to expect, but I saw God move in incredible ways. I am still amazed at and grateful for how He used us. We spoke to Muslims, atheists, Sikhs, etc. We saw the church we were working with more than triple in attendees and saw more than 70 people get saved. It was beautiful how in just one week He did so much and used us to transform lives.
       He has grown and refined me through this experience. My faith and trust in Him is stronger than ever before. I have seen His faithfulness and love to a new degree (and the crazy part is, He wants to show me these qualities in Him to an even greater degree). I came to trust Him so fully that even when things seemed uncertain, I felt at peace because I knew He would carry through with His promise to move.
       While out there, He intensified my heart to reach the lost and hurting by revealing things to me after I had a spiritual attack.
       I got attacked after our second big youth night in Accrington. I told my friends that I needed some time alone and walked down the stairs from the place we were staying at. I sat there sorting through the night. Suddenly, I started feeling lonely. I began sobbing uncontrollably. I felt like nobody cared about me, like they didn’t love me and that I didn’t matter. I could hear them talking and laughing upstairs and felt so hurt. Nobody had come to check on me. I felt like if I just went away, it wouldn’t matter. Nobody would notice.
       As these thoughts flooded my mind, I tried to fight them. I could hear God telling me that these thoughts weren’t true, but it was hard to listen. I stared at the door and wrestled with my thoughts, “I should just leave and never come back. No one would care.”
       I stood up and slowly (uncertainly) walked out the door. I waited to see if anyone noticed, but nobody did. I walked around to the side of the building. I felt so afraid. I was shaking and sobbing. I knew that if I left, I wouldn’t come back so I fought with myself.
       I walked back to the door, stood against the wall near it, sobbed, and listened. A couple of times I peeked at the window above the door to see if I saw anyone coming down the stairs to find me.
       I had gone this far. I was outside and still nobody had come to look for me, still nobody noticed. I could hear Satan keep filling my mind with painful thoughts, “You see. They don’t love you. You don’t even matter. You’re not important.”
       I said back, ” You’re a liar. They do care about me.”
       I could hear God again, louder than the doubts I was refusing to hear. He told me, “They love you. I love you and you are precious to me. I have you here for a reason. You are important.”
       Then, He suddenly flipped everything I was feeling. He said, “This is how those kids feel. They feel like they’re alone and don’t matter. They think nobody loves them or even cares because they see everyone laughing and talking to each other, but no one seems to notice them or the pain they’re in. They feel like no one would even notice if they disappeared. They are afraid. At least you had me to keep you grounded and speak truth to you. They don’t even know me or how much I love them.”
       I started crying and praying for them. He let me see and feel what they feel and it was terrible. It was a hopeless and painful feeling.
       That experience and revelation made me take to heart the Great Commission. God doesn’t call us to reach people because He’s vain and wants followers. He truly just loves us and wants a relationship with us.
       It hurts Him to see the pain those He loves goes through. He wants them to know Him. He wants them to know their value and worth. They have no hope because they don’t know. He wants to set them free from their emptiness and pain.
       The beautiful part of this commission is His promise: “And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age” (Matt 28:20). While we reach people, He will be there to guide us. But, we can also be assured that He will be there for the people we reach out to. He will pour His love out onto them.
       I am a product of His commission to His disciples. I have hope, confidence, and know a truly unconditional love (His) because they listened to Him and reached out to the nations. I want others to know my same joy.
       I understand the pain of those who are unreached and I want to help Him free them from it. I will do my part in this commission where ever He has me. I refuse to listen to my selfish doubts (“They won’t respond well. They won’t believe in God. They’ll make fun of you. What if they’re offended?”). It’s not about me, it’s about Him and them.
       I am now choosing to listen to Him say, “They need me,” and trust that He will use me, you, and others to help work everything out from there. So, please, listen to Him and reach out to somebody in whatever way He is leading you to. They may be in the dark, waiting for someone to notice them and you just couldn’t tell. You never even knew it. But He does. Trust Him.